Sunday, November 11, 2012


I have been really thinking of my past and how it effected me; how the experiences I had shaped the insecurities of my life and helped me choose the road that I have taken.

So I started to evaluate myself. I was from a really small town and unfortunately my family heritage did not help me. Looking back I think I felt that I was not good enough because of the poor choices that my dad made. Now, I love my dad but he did not always make the best decisions and being in a small town it eventually got around. Now I don't know if people really judged me or if it was something that I just felt. My mom and dad were way older than my classmates mom and dad's--which was shameful enough. Most of the time, strangers thought my dad was my grandfather and that always annoyed me, regardless I spent a lot of time with my dad. I would have to say I spent more time with him then anyone else. I felt it was my job to protect him, which is funny for a 5 year old to even think. But if someone called him my grandpa I would swell up and say "No, he is my dad." and I could tell that dad really liked my spunky attitude. So much so he used to call me Dynamite.

Boy was I mouthy, really I am actually surprised I made it through school. I was spunky, but eventually I resented authority and I really questioned authority and felt the need to argue with any teacher that would let me. I was a smart kid, but I did not have the drive to really seek my own answers. Regardless of this I had my opinions and because of this I think teachers wrote me off or honesty just hated me. I remember heading up a 4th or 5th grade rebellion about a discipline policy that my teacher made up. I hated it and I felt it was not fair, because along with being opinionated; my voice always carried so I was continuously getting in trouble and the new rules pretty much guaranteed me being in the office weekly.  I felt suffocated and stifled and I hated it. I was not the only one that was involved with this revolt but I guess I must of really upset the teacher 27 years ago, because a few months ago I tried to friend my old teacher and she never accepted my friend request. Sad thing was the person that was with me in our childish revolt was on her friends list. Why did she still like him, but not me. Did she hate me so much that she could not see that I was a kid, that needed direction and not punishment. Couldn't she realize that I am not the same person now as I was and because of my experience in her classroom I am totally a different person. Isn't that what teachers are suppose to do?

For a moment, after I realized she was not going to accept my friend request all those deep seated fears of not being good enough came up again. I was pushed back to being a small town girl surrounded by small minded people and I was pissed off. I thought about writing a "go to hell" letter letting her know all the mistakes that she made, but after a while I thought "What would that do, really? That would just prove to her that I was a bad person  and that she was right to treat me that way then and this way now. So I just cancelled my request and I learned this.

1) I am glad that I moved away from my hometown. I am a different person now, then I was when I was a child because I was able to explore being someone other then my father's daughter; I am a better person now because I opened up my heart and mind to the world.
2) Some teachers in your life are not going to teach you what you want to know, but what you need to know. I wanted someone to see past the crap when I was a kid--what I got was a few teachers that couldn't. Maybe, our relationship was not for me. Maybe the relationship was their opportunity to grow as a person and a teacher. If you have had a bad teacher remember that teachers are people and they can be messed up in the head as easily as someone else. They just have a degree.
3) You can't make someone see your side and most people do not want to be open with how they feel. So if you feel someone does not like you, surround yourself with people that you KNOW care about and like you. You deserve to KNOW that you are loved.
4) And if you are stuck with a teacher that you can not get away from refer to number 2. The craziest people I know are teachers and I have known a few in my adult life. :-)

Tell me about a teacher that you had. Why did you like/hate them?

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